Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
