I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
try to milk me bitch
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