Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
