If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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