Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
