I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
