don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
