I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just pee around me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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