Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
