Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
