I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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