Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
