Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
