I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
