my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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