I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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