At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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