Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
