ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
