I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
