Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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