I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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