I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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