she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
