Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Someone shit on the floor
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
