last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize