If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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