how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
These tits shall not be calmed
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
