Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I cannot find my penis.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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