I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
