We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
