Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My liver just had a heart attack.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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