I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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