Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
