I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize