News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
