She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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