I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
