awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
