Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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