the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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