she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
