mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
operation harelip BJ is a go
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
