M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
