You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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