I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
