he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
