so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize