The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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