We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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