You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
