Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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