I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
