There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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