you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
