I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
