His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
