My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
