Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
