so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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