you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize