One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
