You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
