remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
