i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
