You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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